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BENT NOT BROKEN
Crossing Life's Bridges of Tragedy, Trauma, and Triumph
Landis. L. Graden’s memoir, takes an earnest look into how one of the most important moments in his life was affected by the abuse and trauma of his younger years. Wearing a mask of self-doubt and fear for most of his life, Graden starts his journey in this book with a visit to the Obama White House as an invited VIP guest. It is this visit that serves as the catalyst to uncover how generational abuse seeped its way into his adulthood and made him feel like an unworthy imposter.
A successful Black entrepreneur, Graden uses his own stories of hardships and battles to encourage all people, but particularly men who have fallen victim to “strong stereotyping”, to lean into the idea of vulnerability and continuous healing. The many personal moments documented throughout the book give stark honesty to how his father laid the foundation very early on for what he thought a strong man was supposed to be. He draws back each layer of what made his father abusive, noting how even his father’s foundations had been laid generations before him.
This reflective investigation into finding why he felt like an imposter and how to heal ultimately takes Graden into memories of his mother's love, the eventual forgiveness of his father and the babysitter that molested him, and the various relationships and business ventures that were impacted by the traumas he had yet to start to heal from. He discovers that he presents his confidence, success, and ego through his mask that has hidden years of unsifted traumas.
“ I had stopped being a victim by becoming a victimizer. This is what my paternal grandfather had done. This is what my father had done. And now it was what I was doing. My life story was written before I was even born. What would my life have been had I had the power to write it myself? How was I supposed to know the difference between the life I inherited and was living out and the new life I had been created to live? It was very difficult for me to identify and see the truth, because I was trapped in a vicious cycle, living a life inside a closed loop of ego, fear, survival, and denial.
From: Bent Not Broken: Crossing Life's Bridges of Tragedy, Trauma and Triumph